So I got word that our president, BO, sat down for half an hour today to do an AMA on Reddit this afternoon. What’s an AMA you ask? Well, at first I thought it was some sort of sexual abbreviation like, Anal-Mouth-Anal or something like that. Turns out a) that was NOT what he was doing and b) that would have been more awesome. No, AMA stands for “Ask Me Anything” which is more or less what happens when you mix a few beers and painkillers. Doubt me? Try it.
By the way, why does it look like our POTUS is in some side room broom closet with an IKEA lamp? Where’s the leather swivel chair, big mahogany desk and for fuck’s sake, the presidential seal? Also, since when is he left handed? No way I’m voting for a lefty next term.
Anyway, I’m all for presidential interwebbing and social-political connectivity and other fake words, but what did this stunt accomplish exactly? Sure, I got to read some political rhetoric while I waited for Mean Girls to download.
Frankly, most of the answers looked like they were prewritten, prerecorded premeditated presidential pre-cum. Not to mention, might I add, the questions he answered looked like some deliberate soft balls, lobbed in there to give POTUS some easy points. The dude is El Presidente, the least we could have done was asked some legitimate questions.
Here are some questions others asked that POTUS didn’t answer but I’ve filled in what he would have said:
Q: What’s your favorite flavor of toothpaste?
A: Aquafresh, but only the middle strip.
Q: If you and Joe Biden played 1 on 1, who’d win.
A: I’d f***ing crush him.
Q: Toilet paper, facing out or facing in?
A: I haven’t wiped my own ass for four years. I hired Clinton to do that for me.
Q: “Star Wars or Star Trek?”
A: It’s rumored that all presidents receive an honorary light saber upon inauguration. In fact, young G.W. Bush used to borrow his George Sr.’s for party tricks and/or cut up lines of coke.
Here’s a summary of the questions and answers as I understood them:
Q: I am a recent law grad, with no job, no future and lots of debt. How are you going to help me and other broke-ass students?
A: Uhhhhh…. That’s a bummer deal man.
Q: What was your most difficult decisions this term?
A: Whether or not I should let Joe Biden continue breathing. That and finally declaring my favorite M&M. I like the green ones, they make me horny.
Q: What is the first thing you’ll do on Nov 7th, win or lose?
A: Have sex with the new first lady. I figure being a [ex]president, I could hook that up.
Q: What are you going to do to help small businesses in 2013 and 2014.
A: Small what? We still have those?
Q: Are you going to increase funding for the space program?
A: You know, sometimes after a long day I like to come home, roll a spliff and stare up at the stars. I sit out on the lawn just gazing away, listening to some Pink Floyd and taking it all in; wondering what’s out there. But when it comes to NASA I usually say puff….puff…paaaassss.