Time for our news update bulletin with a breakdown of the most important that happened last week…since I forgot to hit “publish” when I was done.
I know I’ve been writing about politics lately but hot damn it’s election season and I’ve got an open tag to fill. I’ve been watching the debates and have come to certain conclusions. The first is that the debates make much more sense when viewed through the eyes of a bottle of rum. The other is that Michelle Obama is pretty foxy in a pink dress. Other than that I’ve learned that Paul Ryan is a beast! What are those 40 lbs? Damn, where has Wisconsin been hiding this cheesy chode? By the way, Romney’s got the election in the bag.
Next, and almost as important as the election….it has been announced that R. Kelly will be releasing more chapters in his hip-hopera Trapped in a Closet. I will speak for my readers when I say, it’s about fucking time. I just don’t know how many nights I could go watching new episodes of Mad Men, Walking Dead and Game of Thrones before realizing that something was missing. And that something was Robert Sylvester Kelly going to lyrical extremesto make people forget he was accused of having sex with and urinating on a child.
And finally as I have relocated to Florida I feel it my duty to report on the news of my new state. A report has been filed that a couple was watched having sex at a restaurant while parents and minors looked on. Criminal charges were not filed however because the witnesses refused to file statements with the local police. So many questions poured over me after reading this such as: Were they both on the table or was she bent over it? Did they wait 30 minutes after eating? Was there any anal? And yes of course I was concerned for the well being of the children, wondering if in fact they finished all their vegetables.