Social media is not just for mobile developers and unemployed hipsters. It’s for Grand Slams. And no I’m not talking about some boring, weak ass sport like golf. Or baseball. I’m talking about “All I’ve got is $.99 and somehow I can buy pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs and diarrhea” Grand Slams. That’s right, Denny’s. A restaurant that makes me proud to be an American. Borderline illegal and definitely dangerous, Denny’s is the king of hangover cures and pancakes so bad African children refuse them. But that has not stopped it from joining the social media orgy and creating its own mobile app. Personally, I would have thought maybe it could spend some more time improving the recipes on its Value Menu. As a word of advice, I’d recommend sidestepping the $4 All You Can Eat Pancakes and instead invest that money into some Ipecac. Same effect without all that maple syrup.
Anyway, the app is pretty awesome in the fact that if you turn it on anywhere, pour syrup on your phone and then eat it; it will taste just like you’re at Denny’s. No really, I’m serious. Not only that but the app also allows you to check in and chat with fellow biscuit and gravy loving patrons about how awesome your scrambled eggs were and post photos of how your pancake came out looking like Snooki’s ass.
The app however was just beginning, as Denny’s has just announced the 50 State Challenge, a competition that has been described as “basically the Amazing Race except no cameras and a bunch of shitty pancakes”. The deal is the first person (or hapless team of 3) to check in to a Denny’s in every single state (fuck off Puerto Rico) wins free Grand Slams for life. Did you read that? Free Grand Slams. For Life. Forget playing Powerball and your day job and take a road trip of awesome. You control your destiny. Actually that second mention about day jobs is probably irrelevant since if you’re willing to embark as the Zelda of Hotcakes, then your day job probably only involves collecting food stamps (obviously accepted at Denny’s).
I just feel bad for all those wife-beater wearing, child-beating friendly, residents in America’s rural trailer parks that would absolutely demolish this challenge in48 hours. They just don’t have an iPhone. Or any teeth to chew on that bacon.
Good luck and don’t forget to pack some Mylanta.