Before I get started I want you all to know the hardest part writing this was deciding if cum shot is one word, two words or needed a hyphen. I made the mistake of trying to Google it. No clear answer, although I did get a hard on. Shit, is that one word?? Hardon? As in james hardon. Yah, my boner plays for the Rockets. And it dunks.
So the polls are closed, the voting is over, the dust has settled and I’m late to the feeding trough. Fuck it. The constitution says I can say what I want even if I’m late. And I want to talk about California and Measure B. And while we’re on the topic of the Constituion, quite frankly I think this new initiative infringes on our 69th Ammendment : The Right to Free Nut Busting. And by the way, California, if you want to make a new law, how about considering one that prohibits Schwarzenegger from making any more movies. Or just elect him for another term, that would be as entertaining as Expendables 2.
So this Measure B could have big implications for masturbation WORLDWIDE. I mean, if this really is as bad as they make it sound, then the $89 bazillion trillion porn industry might suddenly collapse, leaving most Masturbation Expert Natives (MEN) hazardously sporting raging boners without any suitable porn to watch since the sex studios all went out of business. And now with these raging boners and nothing to satisfy them, these MEN won’t be able to focus at work and they’ll get fired pushing the economy down into the anus of Satan and eventually everyone will be unemployed and, and and…Fuck.
That sounds bad; bad like Lindasy Lohan finding an 8-ball under her drivers seat and not pulling over first to snort it. But that is probably unlikely. Unless you’ve read all these articles on Measure B (which I haven’t) and you actually believe this will impact you. Let’s be honest, if you read any news, then you’re probably looking at free porn to begin with and you won’t notice that you no longer are getting your 2.32 minute long “facial compilations” in your Redtube stream anymore, you’re too busy checking for the latest Naughty MILF of the week.
And let me remind you, should Measure B actually materialize into something real (i.e. enforcable) than My Monthly Rubbers could stand to make billions. Just think of all those sticky ropes we could be netting with our rubbers if we signed a contract with Peter North or someone else with a bunch of jizz who normally blasts faces like fucking Hurricane Sandy. We’d be so rich. Alas, we aren’t. We need you to subscribe. Please?
Measure B : It could mean digging out our old ‘spank bank’.