Tag Archives: wtf

Man with 30 kids asks for lower child support; probably should ask for condoms.

Who has a daddy named Desmond?

Did anyone else hear about this?  I guess there’s some dude that’s been muff stuffin’ down in Tennessee and now has something like 30 kids.  According to the LA Times, this extremely virile man, a one Desmond Hatchett, has set a Knoxville record.  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me; this is setting a record?  Does that mean there were so many other dudes with 29 kids down in Knox County that it took the Roman warrior sperm of Mr. Hatchett to make  make it clear who’s the biggest fucking idiot in Tennessee?

I have to admit though, I don’t know what I’m more impressed about, the fact our record breaker found 11 women worth having sex with in Tennessee, or the fact that he’s not related to any of them.  The man is a true inspiration to all of us.  I never thought someone who works a minimum wage job could pull so much ass.  What was I thinking; working white collar and wearing condoms.  My game is weak.  But enough of singing his praise, he’s clearly got enough willing mouths for that one.

I am a little curious how something of this nature happens.   All that pot back in college hasn’t done much for my math skills but I think I still can handle basic arithmetic.  Let’s see, add 12 idiots, subtract their clothes, divide their legs and let them multiply.

No really, a couple of kids with the first woman I understand.  Sure, things fizzle and he has a couple more with a new lady. OK.  Even with the third family, I might cast a wondering glance but I’m not passing any serious judgement.  You can even justify a handful on some wild acid and whiskey filled weekends in your mid 20’s. But by the time he’s sausage stuffing the 8th and 9th women and having multiple kids with them, you have to ask yourself, have these women lost their fucking minds?! What the hell are they thinking, inviting this guy back like they’ve each got a punch card and they’re just one kid away from a free toaster.

And now he’s asking for help with his child support.  Shit, he should be asking someone to make him flashcards, help him learn all his kids names.   I mean, I do feel bad for the kids, since there’s a pretty good chance their lives will suck.

On the plus side they’re famous for a couple of days.  That’s gotta be worth at least $1.49.


3D Printing. Yeah, but can it make me a sandwich?

Forget the 3D printer. Hire a child to make you a sammy!

I’ll be the first to admit, technology is amazing.  Fuck sliced bread; give me more LED’s, LCD’s,  and a little LSD for good measure.  I’m craving some 7G technology.  You got a refrigerator  with fingerprint security to keep my beer safe from trolling roommates?  Great, I’ll take two.  A car that parks itself; sounds like a waste of my fucking time.  Are we so shitbrained  in a car that we forgot how to turn our steering wheel? Now, a car that can drive me home from the bar, stop at at Taco Bell and order me a a dozen crispy tacos.  That would be epic engineering.  I need that.

Speaking of technology, what happened to the follow through on smell-0-vision?  Did we realize that no one wants to watch NBA and get a giant whiff of Lebron’s taint as he man rapes the basket?  Oh what? You say I could smell food on TV then?  Sounds amazing, except, I don’t want to sit on my couch and watch a program about steak.  If I want to know about steak I’ll go to a fucking restaurant and eat one.  I bet they’ll even let me smell it too.  And don’t tell me that being able to watch food and smell it is an enhancement and a good alternative to the real thing as if it’s similar to what porn is to sex for us.  The biggest difference?  After porn I can jerk off and take a nap.  If I were to just smell some steak then I’m left with a giant food boner which can only be satisfied with, you guessed it, a steak.  I’m glad video killed the radio star, I just wish it would also kill people with bad ideas too.

But 3D printing, now that’s just, shit, I don’t know how I feel about this nonsense.  Before I decide I need to ask some tough questions like, how much does it cost, can it make me a sandwich and won’t this put a lot of those hard working Asians out of a job?  Last thing I want is to take American outsourced jobs away from the Chinese and give them to a machine in my living room.  That would just be, well, very un-American.  Unless of course I could hire a migrant worker to maintain my machine for $1 / hr.  That would be a little more American.

On the plus side to owning a 3D printer you you could make some really kickass decisions about buying something that you’d otherwise probably never get.  Wanna finally try out some numchucks on the neighbor’s dog who keeps shitting in your backyard?  No problem, just hit Print, practice your swing and presto.  Problem solved.  You just might need to print out a shovel though too.


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